Day 8.

Official weigh in: 277. Which is 5 pounds down, as I started at 282. My blood sugar for the past week has been an average of 143, which is phenomenal.

I feel that that is some pretty good progress. I'm proud of that. Let's keep it going.

Today at the gym was 45 minutes on the treadmill, 25 on the bike and 25 on the elliptical. That's a helluva lot of gym time. I think that I'm going to refrain from adding too much more because that was seriously a helluva lot of gym time.

I actually almost cried at the gym. The TV in front of me was playing Pregnant at 16 on MTV. The couple in question was debating to give their baby up for adoption. They did. But it showed the whole delivery process and that brought me back to when Lilly was born and how much it affected me.

Which is a lot.

Then, after the delivery, they asked the girl of she wanted to see the baby, and she said no. Which broke my heart. Finally she did, and you could just see how sad she was. It was terrible. To make matters worse, the pregnant girl's mom wouldn't sign off on the adoption papers, so the trade-off couldn't happen on hospital grounds. The girl and baby daddy had to pack the baby up and leave the hospital before it could happen. So, this baby that they decided to give up and wanted to make a clean break from, they were forced into more.

Were they stupid for having a baby at 16? Yeah, absolutely. But it was still hard to watch.

Which makes me think about my babies and how wonderful they are. Matt is not my biological son, nor is he Vanessa's. This is a long story, so buckle in...

A couple years ago, Vanessa and I found out that she had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and that it would be incredibly difficult for her to conceive, if at all. One of my sisters was in the throes of a horrible change in her life which led to her abandoning our family unless she needs money. She got pregnant.

The father was a dirtball deluxe. He had a history of rape, abuse and overall being a piece-of-shit-ness. And she picked him, even after we put our hand out to try and help her. But children services intervened and took Matthew into custody almost immediately after he was born. They called my parents and asked if they wanted to take temporary custody.

And it was something that they couldn't do: they are too old to take care of an infant, let alone one with potential special needs (he was 2 months premature). They called me, looking for advice. I instantly knew that Vanessa and I had to step in. Matt needed a mommy and a daddy, and it was our job to do it. She was fortunately thinking the exact same thing. We moved back to Akron that night.

Then there were massive hills and hurdles to overcome. Mostly, my sister. She is a selfish and stupid human being who was not able to separate her anger at our family from what was best for Matthew. The case languished in court and took so long that eventually, we gave up hope of him ever coming home.

In the meantime, Vanessa and I lived our lives. In one of my favorite twists of fate, we were getting ready to go out for lunch. We had just finished showering and she was putting some lotion on when something incredibly strange happened.

She was lactating.

One of the side effects of PCOS is that it is not uncommon to go months at a time without a period. So we thought nothing of it. The sickness, we chalked up to bad food. The weight gain? We didn't discuss it. Turns out, there was a Lilly inside there. Almost 5 months along.

Of course, we were overjoyed. The question became: can we handle two babies, if that's what it comes down to?

I was fucking scared out of my mind. We were losing incredibly precious time with Matt and everyday the situation grew bleaker. But I knew that it was meant to be and that Vanessa and I were strong. Together, we were so strong that we could accomplish anything. We could absolutely handle two babies. We might lose all of our hair in the process, but we could do it.

Matt came home a week after Lilly was born. In the span of two weeks, we went from having no babies to a newborn and a one year old.

There's not a moment of regret. I don't remember life without them and I don't even want to contemplate going back to it. There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for my kids.

And that includes trying to prolong my life so that I can be with them as long as the fates allow me. So that Hour and a half that I spent in the gym today? Every second of it is worth it knowing that there are babies waiting at home for me who need me.

Matt and Lilly: Daddy loves you so much. Every day with you in my life is a gift that I have done absolutely nothing to deserve. I'm thankful in ways that I can never begin to express.

Vanessa: I'm blessed beyond words to have you as my partner in all of this. I love you.

Thanks to everyone else for indulging me. See you tomorrow.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cheerios Crunch with milk
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with butter and Sugar Free Black Berry jelly (which sucked)
2 glasses of water

No lunch because I hit the gym right after class. After the gym I had a protein bar on the way home from school and dinner was waiting for me.

4 bottles of water throughout the day

Dinner:
Garlic Roasted chicken from Wal-Mart (white meat only)
Small serving of Sweet Potato Casserole (which was lackluster)
Small serving of Wal-Mart Tandoori Naan bread (also lackluster)
Salad with mixed greens and lettuce, cheese and Italian dressing

Now I'm going to have a yogurt and a glass of water