I suck.

It has been a while. A loooooong while. Too long. I haven't worked out or watched what i've been eating in almost four months.

I suck. I suck so bad that I weigh more than when I started this fucking thing.

I am pissed and disappointed beyond words. So it's time for rededication. I don't want to die. I want to live and be healthy and a good role model for my children.

Last night Vanessa and I did he Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred video and I'm pretty sure that she's the devil. With fantastic abs. She pushes you, punishes you and I'm pretty sure that if I stick with it, it's going to help.

Diet needs to change significantly. I need to figure this out again. I'm so out of the habit of eating well.

Rededication. Starting over. This is it. No more excuses, you fat fuck.

Also, this is no longer a PG blog. We're going hard R. Sorry. There are no publishing limitations any more, and this is for me, more than you. So it is what it is. Stick around.

Day 66.

Last night was surprisingly easy. Emily is a good sleeper. Totally awesome.

Today at the gym was much less easy. I apparently pushed myself really hard for the first 20 minutes on the Hell Machine because the last 10 were ROUGH. I felt like I was going to vomit. It sucked.

I'm also getting used to my new grill. it's charcoal, which I haven't dealt with ever, really. I lose heat really quickly. I think I need to stop spreading the charcoal out so much AND use more. This definitely bears thought and more work. And by that, I mean more grilling.

Workout: 30 on the Hell Machine, two laps around the track, then biceps, triceps, lats and abs.

Oh. Abs. I forgot to mention the new machine. It looks a lot like the old, familiar ab machine at YSU. But it's tricky. You tuck your legs and it is not a killer. It is a full on murderer. Tonight, I would sneeze and my abs would ache. Awesome and terrible all at once.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K with skim milk with a splash of Sugar Free Vanilla creamer
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with butter

Lunch:
3 pieces of leftover pizza, spread out over a good amount of time

Dinner:
BBQ chicken breast
Shrimp skewer
Salad with tomatoes, lettuce and cheese and Creamy Italian dressing

Snack:
1 1/2 servings of Honey Nut Cheerios with skim milk
2 servings of Jillian Michaels brand Vanilla protein shake--not as a big a fan of this one.

See you tomorrow, hopefully.

Day 65.

Finally back in action again, kind of, for real. Let's see how long it lasts this time.

So. Big changes. Like, whoa. So I'm going to plagiarize myself from my Facebook status update:

You know how sometimes life can throw you curveballs and take you in completely unexpected directions? Well I was thrown a 9 lb. 6 oz. curveball by the name of Emily Marie Beane. My son, Matt, is adopted and his biological mother gave birth to another baby, Emily. Her situation is still not the best and she wisely decided to give us custody. Right now it's Kinship/foster custody but I'm pretty sure that in 30 days, it's going to become full, legal custody.

So we went from two babies to three literally overnight. Most people have at least 6 or 7 months to plan for this, but usually the full 9. We had less than 48 hours. From the very beginning, Vanessa and I said that we were not going to get involved with this. It was too hard and too painful the first time with Matt. We're lucky that it turned out the way it did, but it was incredibly difficult getting there.

We didn't want a repeat. We knew that the call was going to come and we were all geared to say no. But then we were invited by an unlikely person: Emily's mother. She was finally able to see what was best for the baby (stability in a loving environment with her biological brother), regardless of how much it hurt to let go. And here we are with another baby to love and take care of.

But walking out of the hospital room, carrying a little tiny baby, carrying it away from someone else that loves it dearly: that makes you feel like the world's biggest jerk. In my heart, I know that it is right, but that doesn't make me feel any better, knowing that someone I love (regardless of how many stupid decisions she has made and how much she has hurt my family) is hurting. If I had some magic words to make everything better and perfect, I would. But I don't. So we do what we do.

We walk the path that we choose without fear. Our hearts are filled with love and hope. This is true and this is right.

This third baby made our two-door sports car pretty much obsolete, so we traded it in for a Dodge Journey. And the Dodge Journey is pretty awesome. It looks like this:



It's essentially a station wagon, but it looks pretty awesome, it's comfortable and we can fit the whole family in it. That is all that matters--the last point specifically, the other two are bonuses.

Finally hit the gym today and decided that I prefer the Rec at YSU. I like the weight machines better and there's no one to kick me off of the Hell Machine after 30 minutes. But I did those 30 minutes, walked a couple of laps, did biceps, triceps, abs and lats. Felt good but it was HARD getting back to it after so long off.

I'm going to go to bed now and see how long before Emily wakes up.

Breakfast:
4 pieces of French toast (made out of Protein Plus bread which made for a mediocre French Toast, sadly)
3 pieces of bacon

Lunch:
1/2 an apple
Italian Pulled Pork sandwich with cheese (one day I will share the Ludwig recipe for spaghetti sauce which is fantastic and includes cooking a pork loin in the sauce until it falls apart, making this sandwich possible)

Dinner:
Pizza. I don't remember how many pieces because I was running around in between eating
Salad with what felt like more pepperoni and ham than lettuce and Italian dressing
4 breadsticks after the fact

Snack:
1 cake of Soan Papdi an Indian dessert

No protein after lifting today! I forgot. Dammit.

Anyway. See you when I see you.

No blog today.

Things went astray today. A lot of stuff going on that I can't really talk about yet. Nothing bad, but major things. I will let you know in good time. Thanks for sticking with me.

Day 64.

Friends, it has been too long.

But the semester is done, finally, and I have walked away victorious. 4 A's and 1 B. Even if the B was in a "blow-off" class. I argue that it was not a blow-off class because it was HARD.

But we're not here to talk about school, are we? We're here to talk about me getting sexy. Along those lines: went back to the gym today. Actually, I went to the new gym for the first time today. We bought our Natatorium passes and used them. This place is very nice. There's a lot of stuff going on in there and it almost feels crowded. There's one section that I'm fairly certain has the very first workout machines ever invented... but mostly it's a modern, clean, up-to-date facility.

They have like 10 Hell Machines so we can be friends, at the very least.

The goal was to do some cardio and weights before heading home but that was not to be. The place has a daycare center for Matt and Lilly to hang out in, which is nice. When we filled out the info sheets, on Matt's I put: "Has a speech/language delay and becomes frustrated easily. Can be incredibly difficult to console." After I finished 30 on the Hell Machine, Vanessa and I walked the track a couple of times before we heard:

"Vanessa Beane, please come to the Kid's Castle."

We instantly figured the worst. Matt was throwing a temper tantrum, wailing at the top of his lungs, just going nuts. When he starts going, it can be intense and INCREDIBLY difficult to deal with.

But when we walked in, it was Lilly, not Matt that was wailing like crazy. She was beet red, with giant crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks. It was so sad. But she wanted me, which was nice. She chillaxed pretty quick at that point, but she was ready to go home. The lady said that it's like she all of a sudden notice that we were gone. Too funny.

But our workout was cut short. Kind of a bummer, but that's OK. We'll give it another shot tomorrow.

So: workout was 30 minutes on the Hell Machine and 3 laps around the track.

Breakfast:
1 1/2 servings of Honey Nut CHeerios
2 pieces of Oatnut Toast with butter

Lunch:
Sun-dried Tomato wrap with turkey, ham, American Cheese, lettuce, tomato and mustard
Strawberry Banana yogurt

Dinner:
GIANT cheeseburger with all the fixings
Hot dog with the fixings
Mac N Cheese
Cucumber Salad

Dessert:
Sugar Free Angel Food Cake with Strawberries and Sugar Free Whipped Topping

Snacks:
Had some brownies. But they're gone, so no more worries.

See you tomorrow.

Quick update.

Not an actual entry. Had some blood work done yesterday for my appointment. While my weight wasn't down as far as I would have liked the Doc said that my progress was phenomenal. I just got the call about my blood work and my average blood sugar level for 3 months is 140, down from 260 and my LDL cholesterol is 49 down from 160.

The doctor is stoked and so am I.

And as far as the weight, he said that he could see a difference in the way that I looked and to not be discouraged because I have been doing weightlifting as well. It's hard to remember that. Plus, I like lifting weights. As long as I'm making progress and seeing results, it'll be OK.

Brief hiatus.

Again. I am neck deep in papers and finals and I wish that I had the time to work out. But I don't. So I'm taking a week off in order to catch up.

Sorry that I didn't update everyone on this sooner. Rest assured that I will return. Vanessa's dad paid for us to get summer passes to the Natatorium so if I don't, he'll kill me.

See you in 7.

Day 63.

I'm having an incredibly hard time finding the urge to blog tonight.

Today was uneventful except that our landlord sent someone to fix our drain. The previous bimbo tenants poured paint down the drain and it dried in a huge clump which caused the slow drain. So hopefully it will work better now. Same guy also fixed the handle on our mower and is going to sharpen the blade soon.

40 intense minutes on the Hell Machine before I did calves, ad and abductors, incline chest press, fly, stationary row and abs. Arms=sore. Vanessa bought some more protein powder at the grocery store and it's the Jillian Michaels brand, so I'm hoping that I'll be as buff looking as her very soon. Wish me luck.

However: I ate a lot today. Eggs at 11 in the evening is probably not a good idea. It was mostly egg whites though. Plus cheese and ham... dammit.

Doctor is next week. I have not lost anywhere near the amount of weight I wanted to before the appointment. But I have lost like 20 pounds and built some muscle, so... I don't know. Randomly feel good about this but frequently like I'm spinning my wheels because I like to eat a lot. I frustrate myself.

Breakfast:
1 cup of Special K Granola with blueberry yogurt
2 pieces of Oatnut toast with butter

First Dinner:
Shrimp Fried Rice with peas, green beans, onions and carrots

Second Dinner:
4 egg whites plus 1 yolk, 1 piece of ham and 1 piece of cheese
1 piece of Oatnut toast with butter

Snacks:
2 FiberPlus bars
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake
Small bowl of ice cream

See you tomorrow.

Day 62.

OK. Several things.

1.) Dude who lifts weights then gets up and does karate moves between sets: no one believes that you actually do karate, so please stop. You look like a six-year-old playing Power Rangers except less cute.

2.) Giant black dude: please don't look over the shower stall into my shower. It really creeps me out. Especially after I just wrote a column about how showering in public isn't so creepy. Way to prove me wrong.

3.) I really only had two points but didn't feel like changing "several" to "two."

To elaborate on point 2, seriously, giant black dude, please don't ever do that again. It's not that I have issues with you being a giant black dude--I'm actually totally cool with that. The problem is that you peeked over your stall and into mine to look at my pasty white ass getting dressed. And. THAT. IS. WEIRD. This was not preceded by a conversation nor did we enter stalls at the same time. I was done showering when you entered your stall. So, seriously. This is about as creepy as creepy gets.

Before things got all weird at the gym I did 35 INTENSE minutes on the Hell Machine (seriously, heart rate was 159 the whole time). And then I blasted my arms like mfing WHOA. Did the incline chest press, stationary row, bicep curls and the fly. I am sore but feeling good. Excited to do it again tomorrow. Not so excited for the abs. That sucked today. I left the chair lower instead of raising it and apparently I work my abs much harder that way and IT SUCKS. But I did it. And lats.

Breakfast:
1 cup of SPecial K Granola with Strawberry Banana Yogurt
2 pieces of Oatnut toast with butter

Lunch:
Leftover pasta with sauce and sausage
1/2 an apple

Dinner:
Leftover Chinese

Snack:
Might have had 1/2 a pound of chocolate covered peanuts and pretzels... not of each, but mixed. It would account for my incredibly high blood sugar tonight.
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake.

See you tomorrow.

Day 61.

I AM NOT DEAD.

I had to take Friday off for some reason that I totally cannot recall but I wasn't able to hit the gym. I also had a fat weekend and ate all kinds of things that were bad for me. Especially ice cream.

That seems to be the biggest problem (not ice cream, food in general). I can't turn down food. I like food. A lot. There's a reason that I'm fat. But I'm doing my best.

Kind of.

Today wasn't really a shining example because it's my birthday and I wanted donuts for breakfast. Have you ever had a donut? They're amazing. You should totally try some if you get a chance. They stuff jelly into some of them. Fantastic stuff. Not so good for you, though.

I also killed some sushi for dinner and it was amazing. The special roll was spicy crab, tuna, and avocado tempura-fried then drizzled with eel sauce. Not to be repetitive, but it was amazing.

I did my time in the gym today, 45 on the Hell Machine, calves, ab and adductors, lats and abs plus light rowing because I missed a day last week. Tomorrow is full arms and I'm excited for it.

Food over the weekend:
Ha, I wish I could remember. Ice cream at least 3 times though. Maybe 4. And every single one was worth it.

Today:
Breakfast:
DONUTS. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 3, but I'm not sure. Vanessa cuts them in half which is deceiving. Before you know it, you've killed a bunch of them without realizing it. But it's my birthday. So suck it.
2 pints of milk.

Lunch:
Strawberry Yogurt Granola bar thing.

Dinner:
3 Crab Rangoons
1/2 an eggroll
1 bowl of Wonton Soup
1 sushi roll as listed above
1 tempura shrimp roll
1 spicy crab roll
Bites of Dan and Vanessa's respective dinners. House of Hunan is delightfully evilly delicious.

I will try to be better.

See you tomorrow.

Day 60.

I did not go to the gym today, technically.

I stayed home with Lilly and it was awesome. We went to the Indian buffet together (she LOVES Indian people, apparently... it was kind of nuts how enamored she was by the workers there, and they loved her too), did yoga, took a walk with Lilly, picked up Matt and hung out with both kids while we waited for Vanessa to come home.

It was a seriously awesome day.

But back to the technically part: I did 40 minutes of yoga with DDP and took a nice half-hour walk around several blocks while pushing Lilly. This was another thing that she loved. It was a nice day out, so there was a lot of activity and Lilly was wide-eyed for everything. It was awesome.

(Yes, "awesome" three times in one post, I don't care. I love spending time with my babies.)

My quads are killing me. I went deeper on the sled than I normally do and I can definitely feel the difference today. Watching me walk up the stairs is probably pretty hilarious...

Breakfast/Lunch:
Indian buffet!
(Lilly loves rice pudding, is feeling the Chicken makhani, passed on the naan and destroyed a piece of coconut burfi.)

Dinner:
4 boneless chicken wings
Salad with tomatoes, croutons, lettuce, cheese and Italian dressing
2 1/2 pieces of pizza from Guys Pizza (tasted like Papa Johns but better because they actually give you enough toppings and sauce for one entire pizza. Also, the pepperoni were sandwich-sized slices and they were possibly the best pepperoni I've ever had.)

Dessert:
Sugar free banana pudding with strawberries

See you tomorrow.

Days 58 and 59.

So, I apparently neglected to blog last night. Weird.

Um. What did I do yesterday? Crap. I know that I did 45 on the Hell Machine, shoulders, biceps and triceps. I didn't get to do abs or lats because there were people hanging out by both machines. And I mean that literally. There were people sitting on the machines and talking to their friends instead of actually using them. This is a huge peeve of mine.

Today I got a compliment from my buddy Nate (bartender at UPie) who said that he could tell I had been working out. He said I looked good. To which I said, "I'm going to spoil it by ordering a Tank Wrap." And I did and it was awesome.

But then I did 45 on the Hell Machine and killed myself doing: biceps, triceps, shoulders, calves, quads, glutes, abductors, adductors, abs and lats. Full body days are nice because I really feel like I did some work. Mostly because I really do.

I also mowed the lawn today and it didn't kill me, despite my landlords best attempts. The mower that he has supplied is a death trap. The handle is held on by a screw that is not made for holding a lawnmower handle together. If it had a nut on the end of the bolt, I could see it working, but it doesn't. It fell out at least twice. The engine spits gas and other liquids as does the gas cap. The blade is as dull as a butter knife while still managing to to spit out as much crap toward my shins as humanly possible.

Well played, landlord, but you can't kill me that easily.

Yesterday's foodstuffs:
Breakfast:
2 servings Multigrain Cheerios with bananas and skim milk
2 pieces of Oatnut toast with butter

Lunch:
Ham and salami sandwich on a bun with provolone cheese and mustard
Raspberry yogurt
Mixed BBQ and Plain potato chips
1 apple
I think that is it

Dinner:
Leftover Mac N Cheese
Leftover BBQ chicken

Snacks:
1 FiberOne bar
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

Today's foodstuffs:
Breakfast:
6 eggwhites plus 1 yolk with hot sauce
3 sausage links
2 pieces of Oatnut toast with butter

Lunch:
Tank Wrap with grilled chicken, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and Sriachi Mayo

Dinner:
Steak marinated in something delicious
Broccoli
Leftover pasta salad
Cajun Shrimp

Snacks:
1 15 oz can of Frosty Chocolate Protein Shake (the powder stuff is better, this is kind of funky tasting and has more calories)
1/3 an apple

See you tomorrow!

Day 57.

I'm an emotional eater.

I relate food to just about everything. The two extremes, of course, would be joy and sadness. Over the weekend, we had Lilly's birthday party. I was joyous. And I ate tons of stuff. Birthday cake and all of the random foods that we had lying around. I also drank tequila (different day) and regretted it. Today, I took my math placement test after waiting far too long to do so.

It was not pretty. In fact, it was ugly. I tested into the class that I need to take, so it's fine, I guess, but it was a long, long, looooooong 45 minutes of my day. For 10 questions.

And I felt terrible after. So I drowned my sorrows in a delicious buffalo chicken wrap from UPie. Along with half a basket of fries.

And then I went to the gym, did my 35 on the old Hell Machine, did calves, quads, glutes, adductors and abductors as well as lats and abs.

Even? Probably not. But I survived.

Breakfast:
1 1/2 servings of Multigrain cheerios with banana and skim milk
2 pieces of Oatnut toast with butter

Lunch:
Buffalo chicken wrap with hot sauce, ranch dressing, tomato, cheese and coleslaw
Fries

Dinner:
Chicken breast stuffed with rice, broccoli, carrots and I don't know what else
Salad with croutons and lettuce
3 small biscuits
(This dinner was surprisingly tasty. Surprising because my mom made it and she is not the best cook in the world.)

Dessert:
Pudding with strawberries and bananas

Snacks:
Chocolate ice cream with peanut butter (emotional eater, duh, don't forget)
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

See you tomorrow.

Day 56.

UNCONTROLLABLE HUNGER.

That has been an issue recently. I've just been so fricking hungry. Every time I turn around, I need to eat something. And it's not an emotional, I'm lacking something hunger, it's an honest to God I need to eat hunger. My stomach is rumbling and growling. You know those hot dog commercials where the giant, muscular arm reaches out of someone's stomach and shoves a hot dog down their throat? THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.

It's over the top. And annoying. Because I rarely reach for something good in these cases. A cold piece of pizza or a bowl of ice cream seems to really hit the spot. I was out of apples. Also, apples make me hungrier. Basically, what this all boils down to is that I have to work harder in the gym. Dammit.

And I think that the problem boils down to: I'm hungrier because my body needs the calories because I'm burning them so quickly. As I go from cardio to lifting, my heart rate stays elevated so I keep burning calories AND I'm building muscle so there's a deficit somewhere, I think. I just don't know that I know where. And always being hungry is crappy.

I don't know what to do. Help.

I guess that I should just be stoked that I'm getting smaller even if my weight isn't going down. Right? Someone tell me that I'm right.

Gym was 35 on the old Hell Machine and then legs. But everything was all out of order because the machines were busy. Some dude was doing his calves for an hour, i swear to God. I was fricking annoyed. By the time I got to it, I forgot to do my lats. Which is fine, I guess. But still annoying. All told, I did the sled, calves, two other things that work the whole leg, abductor and adductor. Plus abs. Those killed today.

Breakfast:
1 1/2 servings of Jumbo Rice Krispies with yogurt
2 pieces of whole wheat toast with butter

Lunch:
1 piece of pizza

Dinner:
BBQ chicken (1 breast, total, maybe? It was in strips...)
Mac N Cheese
Mixed vegetables
Strawberries with Splenda

Dessert:
Chocolate ice cream with peanut butter

Snacks:
2 FiberOne bars
2 servings of Protein Powder

Day 55.

So yesterday was late and today is going to be short. Sorry. I might have run out of material.

I will try my best to make funny and amusing things happen at the gym, but I make no promises.

Anyway. 35 on the old Hell Machine. Incline press and then the Standard Row, one arm at a time. This thing kills me, but in a really great way. I like it a lot. Only lid lats again because I was in a rush. Wanted to meet Vanessa for lunch.

TOday was Lilly's first birthday so Vanessa scooted from class a little early. We ended up having dinner with my parents, Tim, Samantha and Jeffrey at their house which was really nice. It was kind of a run-through for Lilly's party on Sunday. We got a little cake which she slowly, almost timidly demolished. in case you were wondering, it was absolutely adorable.

Slightly strange when Vanessa shoved Lilly's face into the cake, but adorable all the same.

Breakfast:
6 egg whites and 1 egg yolk
4 pieces of ham
1 Everything Bagel Thin

Lunch:
Ham and Turkey on a sun-dried tomato wrap with lettuce, pickles and mustard
1/2 bag of BBQ chips
1 apple
1 Raspberry yogurt
1/2 of a clementine

Dinner:
1 piece of Pepperoni pizza
2 pieces of Fried Chicken
French Fries
Cole slaw

Dessert:
2 small slivers of cake (lemon and german chocolate)

Snacks:
1 FiberOne bar
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

See you tomorrow.

Day 54.

I know, I know. This is late. But it happens. I was wicked tired last night. Possibly because I killed myself in the gym or possibly just because I was tired. Hard to say.

Anyway, fairly uninteresting day. Nothing fun or exciting except that I saw an adviser on campus and discovered that I only have three semesters left. Which is 10 kinds of exciting, at the very least. It's also about damn time. I need to get on with taking the Praxis so that I can get into all of my upper division classes next semester but that sumbitch is like $180 I think. If you want to donate to the cause, you can send me money via Paypal at beane.jay@gmail.com

Just saying.

Anyway. 35 on the Hell Machine, lifted the crap out of my legs and then did arms. Boring, except I did the normal rowing machine, one arm at a time and it was AWESOME but kind of killer at the same time. My legs feel the burn today. I realized that I could do a lot more weight with them than I had been doing. I also did more on the abs and lats than I normally do. I like when it works out that way.

Did a little bit of yoga before bed. Not a whole routine, just enough to calm me down before sleep. I've had a problem with jittery legs the past few nights. This definitely helped.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Multigrain Cheerios with yogurt
2 pieces of whole wheat toast with butter

Snacks:
2 FiberOne bars (different times)
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

Dinner:
Salad with lettuce, cucumber, tomato and Italian dressing
2 pieces of garlic bread
1 1/2 servings of Stouffers Lasagna with meat sauce. Pretty tasty, but might have given me bad poops... :(

See you later tonight.

Days 51, 52 and 53.

Slacking, kind of. Whatever.

Actually, I've been seriously slacking. I took three days off from working out and I ate pretty poorly those days. I don't know about that, actually. I don't know how bad Mediterranean and Indian food is for you. I do know that baklava isn't so good for me and I had a bit of that. And it was possibly the best baklava that I've ever had. That totally makes it worth it.

On Saturday I helped my parents move, which almost counts as working out. They fed me take-out Chinese food. I want to say that one counter balances the other, but I'm not really so sure.

But I was in Pittsburgh on Sunday for Wilco, which was fantastic. The band, the city, everything. It was a fantastic time and I really look forward to heading that way again. On one little street, they had a Thai noodle restaurant, as well as Chinese, Mediterranean AND Indian places. On one street! I could stay busy there for well over a year. That's before the used bookstore and vinyl shops.

Dan and I ended up eating at Ali Baba Restaurant and I got a Lamb Kebab with rice, hummus and a salad. For dessert Dan got the biggest piece of baklava that I've ever seen, which we shared, and then ordered another because it was so amazing. This place alone was worth the trip. Then Wilco played for three hours and almost made me forget about the awesome restaurant. Then we walked by again on the way back to the car.

I really like Pittsburgh.

Monday I was so beat from Sunday that I didn't go to class (sorry, Dr. A.) but we still dropped the kids at the sitter's like normal. That meant that Vanessa and I got to spend the whole day together doing whatever we wanted. Which included Saffron Patch for lunch and then the Penny's outlet for fun. The funny thing about SP is that we haven't been there in almost a year and a half. Funnier is that it is where we found out that Vanessa was pregnant. It was nice. And, for the record, delicious.

I have also had problems with not being able to get full recently. Or getting rabidly hungry. So much so that I had to buy food at school even though I had a lunch AND snacks. And I bought KFC which is super not good for me. I felt guilty eating it.

But today I got back on the wagon and did my 35 on the Hell Machine and did the shit out of my arms. Like, whoa. Pulldowns, rows, bicep curls, tricep extensions and incline press all at higher weights and more sets than normal. It felt pretty good. I also did lats but not abs because the ab machine was practically handing out tickets because it was so busy. Tomorrow is legs and arms and hopefully abs. We shall see.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Multigrain Cheerios with Strawberry Banana yogurt
2 pieces of whole wheat toast with butter

First Lunch:
KFC Twister Wrap
1 bag of Pretzels

Second Lunch:
Turkey, cheese, lettuce and mustard on a wrap (in retrospect, I'm pretty glad I got the KFC because this sandwich kind of tasted like crap by the time I got to it...)
Sunchips
Cherry yogurt
1 dill pickle

Dinner:
Santa Fe Chicken Lean Cuisine

Dessert:
Sugar Free angel food cake with strawberries and whip cream

Snacks:
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake
2 Fiber Plus bars

See you tomorrow.

Day 50.

Sorry kids, no blog again tonight. TOo tired and too much crap going on. Tomorrow will be another no blog night because I'm going to Pittsburgh to see Wilco.

So, see you on Monday.

Day 49.

Sorry, kiddos. Quick one tonight.

Did 35 on the Hell Machine and then crushed some leg stuff. I'll have to figure out all the names, but I did the sled, abductor and adductor, calves and then two other leg machines plus abs and lats.

I also spent the last hour Frankensteining cardboard boxes for eBay stuff. I think that should count as working out...

See you tomorrow.

Day 48.

A travesty happened the other day.

I went to the gym and forgot to take a spare set of underpants. By the end of my workout, I'm drenched from head to toe. After showering, there is NO CHANCE of me putting those underpants back on. So, I always bring a spare set. Except for yesterday. So I drove home soaking wet from my workout, stinking like whoa.

It was terrible and vaguely traumatic. Fortunately, no one saw me. Vanessa was picking Matt up from school and I was able to run in and shower before she got home.

Today, I didn't not forget underpants, so it was a successful day.

I did 2 minutes on the treadmill while I waited for a Hell Machine. Mostly because standing over someone's shoulder while they're doing their work is kind of creepy. Then I did 35 on the Hell Machine on Interval. Then I did arms starting with the Chest press, pull down, row, bicep curl, tricep extension before finishing with lats and abs.

It was a good day, overall. I kind of wish I had something to complain about, but I don't. I did finish the first draft of the column version of this thing and I think it turned out pretty well. But you'll have to wait to read that.

Breakfast:
6 egg whites plus 1 yolk with ham and cheese
Everything bagel thin with butter
1/2 a banana

First lunch:
1 slice of pepperoni pizza

Second lunch:
Ham and cheese sandwich on Eveything bagel thin with mustard
1 apple
Some sunchips
1/2 South beach diet bar

Dinner:
Lean Cuisine Beans and rice with some leftover Jerk steak

Lots of water today. And a PowerAde because EVERY VENDING MACHINE IN DEBARTOLO HALL WAS OUT OF WATER. Very upsetting.

See you tomorrow.

Day 47.

When I come in, they should really clear the Hell Machine. I shouldn't have to wait because I'm important, dammit. Everyone else can use the other, crappy ellipticals.

But that doesn't happen and today I had to kill 15 minutes on a bike before I got my Hell Machine. And the bike is seriously a waste of time. Sure, I could pedal faster and work on a higher resistance setting but it's uncomfortable as it is, so working harder on the stupid thing just isn't an effort I'm willing to make.

The other thing for tonight: Lean Cuisine, Smart Ones, whatever brand you like. I'm trying to be better about my calorie intake and I've got a handful of them in my freezer to aid in this.. Do you eat them? Like them? Flavor suggestions? Please let me know. Thank you.

Anyway, the gym. 15 on the bike and then 30 on the Hell Machine on the Interval setting. Dug it. Then I did arms AND legs. Which was INTENSE. I did vertical chest press, pull downs (that is the actual name of the exercise. I looked it up.), row, bicep curls, tricep extensions, calf extensions, the sled, abductor, adductor, some other leg machine that I don't remember the name of, and finally, abs and lats.

That was a lot. If you're wondering, when I lift, I do 5 sets of 15, 12, 10, 12, 15 starting with a lower weight, then moving up each set and then back down. For abductor, adductor, abs and lats, I just do 75 total reps at the same weight.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Multigrain Cheerios with Vanilla yogurt
2 pieces of Whole Wheat toast with apple butter

No lunch.

Dinner:
Caribbean Jerk steak (SPICY!)
Spicy teriyaki rice with carrots, peas and corn
Salad with lettuce of several types, cucumbers and Italian dressing

Dessert:
Sugar free Angel Food cake with Strawberries with Sugar free whip cream (this was delicious and mostly guilt free)

Snacks:
2 South Beach Diet bars (one pre workout, one post)
2 servings of Vanilla protein shake

See you tomorrow!

Day 46.

I'm stuck at 260. But my clothes are getting looser. Because fat takes up much more room than muscle. Which means I'm building muscle. I'm OK with that.

Todd, my father-in-law, wants me to be a "bad ass" so that I can protect my wife and children. He promised to teach me how to fight. Which is weird. Did I mention that he also wants to buy me a gun? Does this mean that he thinks I'm a wuss? Sure, I'm a reader and a musician AND a writer, but I think that I can hold my own in a fight.

I also talked about getting into MMA, but Vanessa nixed that. She doesn't want me to lose any of my precious brain cells. BO-RING.

So, yeah. I bought 38 waist shorts the other day, which I think I mentioned. Did I mention that my belt does nothing to aid in holding them up? It's a 40-42, so it's literally just an accessory without a function at this point. I'm proud and nervous, all at the same time. Nervous because I'm petrified that my pants are going to hit the ground at a moments notice.

The gym today was a good one. 35 minutes on the Interval program on the Hell Machine. This worked nicely. Whereas the Fat Burner did 4 minutes on a resistance before switching, the Interval does 2. It also has 4 resistance level differences instead of 1 (Fat Burner I would start on 5 and go to 6 then back down; Interval I start at 4 and go to 7.) Also, I control the timing. Awesome.

Did upper body today. Incline Chest press, tricep extensions, bicep curls, row, bicep/back pull-downs (I don't know the actual name), abs and lats. Tomorrow, I'm doing upper AND lower as well as my cardio. HOLY JEEZ I MUST BE CRAZY.

Yup.

Breakfast:
2 servings Special K Granola with Vanilla yogurt and 3 strawberries
2 pieces of Whole Wheat toast with butter

Lunch:
12" TUrkey sub on Whole Wheat with provolone, mustard, lettuce, tomato and pickles
Blueberry yogurt

Dinner:
Lean Cuisine Pesto Chicken with Bow Tie pasta
1 apple

Snacks:
FiberPlus bar
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

Water, water, water.

See you tomorrow.

Day 45.

So. Food is my enemy. And, as in all really good stories, I have an intimate love affair with my enemy. I. Love. Food.

And all of the really tasty things that I love are really bad for me. For instance, french fries. I love french fries. And just about every restaurant in the world gives them as a side dish when you order ANYTHING. Salads come with fries on them, which really defeats the purpose of a frigging salad.

And UPie is probably the worst. Their food is so fantastic that just walking by, I gain a pound. Today I got a gyro and it was awesome. And I did this before I worked out. So I worked out on a full stomach, which is a bad idea. Because what I really wanted was to take a nap.

And after walking around the parking deck for 20 minutes, in flip flops, looking for the car, I was almost ready to take that nap. I was hot and sweaty, my feet hurt and I hadn't even hit the gym yet.

But I persevered. I even thought about doing the fat burner program twice. Of course my genius wife informed me that if I do the Interval program I can set the time and it does the same thing as the fat burner. I shall investigate.

I also did legs FOR FRICKING REAL. I did the normal front and back, then the abductor, adductor, and then I did this machine that works the calves. And it was hard. But kind of really awesome. I'm going to have AMAZING calves. Get jealous. I also did this thing called the Sled.

You sit and push yourself up with your legs. Kind of like a squat, but you're sitting. This kind of scared me. You know how when you're lifting and you feel like your arms are going to give? Then, you're just like, "no big deal, it's just my arms." But when your leg starts to feel like it's going to give? That is scary. Because if your leg gives, you're screwed. On a machine like that, you'd face-plant before you had time to think about catching yourself.

And then your face is jacked up too. So, you see my point.

Also did abs and lats.

Breakfast:
1 cup of Special K Granola with milk and strawberries
2 pieces of whole wheat toast with butter

Lunch:
Gyro with fries
1/2 bowl of Chicken Curry Soup

Dinner:
2 slices of leftover pizza
1 apple

Snacks:
2 servings of Vanilla protein shake
1 South Beach Diet chocolate bar

See you tomorrow.

Day 44.

I shouldn't promise things. Inevitably, I have to break that promise.

Like last night when I promised yoga. I actually helped my dad move some stuff today and my knee has been acting weird all day. Buckling at inappropriate times (like carrying a dresser down a flight of stairs). I'm counting that as exercise. Also, there was some nondescript, none-of-your-business cardio.

Highlight of the day was either:
A) at my parents, standing outside with my mom, I pointed at a random area in the front yard and said, "Oh, snake!" and my mom screamed and jumped. Hilarious. Works EVERY time.
B) playing outside with Vanessa and the kids. Lilly tried to eat a stick and Matt was having a great time kicking the ball around.

Breakfast:
1 waffle with sugar free syrup and butter
3 pieces of bacon
two bites of breakfast casserole
a couple strawberries

Lunch:
Filet O Fish

Dinner:
1 1/2 pieces of Salmon
Several bites of cheesy noodles with broccoli (which totally sucked)
more strawberries

Snack:
Rice Krispies with blueberry yogurt and a banana

Lots of water. And a diet Coke.

See you tomorrow, back to the official grind.

Days 42 and 43.

Sorry. Late night last night. Vanessa and I went to see The Cripple of Inishmaan in Youngstown. It was good; dark but very funny. After, we had dinner at Mike's Place and did some shopping for Easter brunch.

We don't get to do adult-only dates very often, so it was nice. We didn't have to rush home for anything because the kids were at Grammy Vickie's house overnight. It was really nice.

Yesterday I did 40 minutes on the Hell Machine and I burned the same amount of calories as I do when I do the fat burner program. The whole thing is very confusing. I also did legs as well as abs and lats. That doesn't sound near as exciting as when I talk about doing arms. I don't really like doing my legs either. That probably sounds weird, especially after I said that I like lifting. I don't get the same rush out of it.

I hate doing abs a lot. Especially because I can't tell if I'm doing anything. It doesn't hurt, really, but there's a "muscle pain" involved. It just isn't fun and I don't feel anything later on so, liked I said, I don't know that I'm doing anything.

Today was my day of rest, mostly because Vanessa and I were running around all day trying to get rid of extra baby stuff we don't need. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sell baby clothes? Extremely. Which is why I still have a basement full of it.

Before running around, though, we got lunch from Raj Mahal and it was fantastic. They redid the buffet and it looks like a real buffet now. Classy. The food was the best that it has ever been, I think. I want to go back RIGHT NOW. They had this dessert which was essentially chickpea flour, wheat flour and coconut that was the most amazing thing in the world. It melted in my mouth and I could have eaten a truckload of it.

ALSO. Bought some shorts yesterday. Had to return them; too big. I'm wearing 38's now, fool! I wear my pants kind of low, but still. That's awesome. I think I was 12 last time I wore a 38.

Yesterdays Menu:
Breakfast:
6 egg whites and 1 yolk with sausage
2 pieces of Whole Wheat toast with butter
(This breakfast might have made me sick later on. The sausage, I think.)

Lunch:
Strawberries
McDouble
A couple fries
(We were on the road. It was awesome. I seriously love a McDouble.)

Dinner:
A GIANT fricking Romanburger from Mike's Place
Fries
(This was an incredibly terrible eating day. But seriously, this sandwich was delicious and GIANT.)

Today's Menu:
Breakfast:
Skipped.

Lunch:
RAJ MAHAL INDIAN BUFFET LUNCH. HELL. YES. I ate 2 plates worth, which is a lot, but less than normal. It was seriously amazing. I wish that I could cook like this on a regular basis. The coconut dessert was worth killing for.

Dinner:
Romeo's pizza and wings.
(Damn. I really sucked at eating this weekend. It's ok, I'll make it up.)

Tomorrow, I don't promise better food. But I promise some yoga.

See you then.

Day 42.

Seriously, the smell coming from my locker today was ridiculous. I have never been offended by an odor from my body before but today, finally, I was.

I'm not sure whether I should be proud or not.

Anyway, Lilly ended up going to school with us. It was an experience. Trying to convince an infant to be quiet while you're discussing Small World by David Lodge isn't the easiest thing in the world. Thankfully she didn't poop in the middle of class OR throw a huge fit. She did fall asleep in Senior Seminar, which made me insanely jealous.

Things didn't go as smooth for Vanessa, apparently. She left class early because Lilly was getting fussy.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm getting enough cardio. Doing the fat burner program on the Hell Machine burns about 460 calories in 33 minutes (28 plus a 5 minute cool down). Then I go and lift. I know that I'm still burning calories and my heart rate is probably still elevated, but I don't know if I'm doing enough.

And I need to re-become more aware of what I'm eating. With Lilly at school today, I bought a thing of Froot Loops to occupy her and she ended up feeding half of the container to me. Granted, they aren't terrible for you, but still. I'm trying to lose weight here.

So, the gym included 5 minutes on the bike while I waited for a Hell Machine to open up, the fat burner program for 28 minutes and then lifting. I think I like lifting. Like, it kind of sucks but I like the way that I feel afterword. Does that make any sense at all?

I suppose that the same thing goes for all of working out. I really, truly, genuinely hate it while I'm doing it. After, though, I get a weird high where I'm like (I'm going to swear here, you've been warned), "FUCK YEAH, I'M AWESOME, I KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT!" Then I move on and it sucks again.

Even doing yoga, when I'm doing the Broken Table or Road Warrior One, the whole time it's, "Fuck you, I fucking hate you." But again, when it's over: "That was nice. I feel goooood."

Anyway, while lifting, I did biceps, triceps, abs and lats. Kind of a simple sounding day, but I did a bunch of machines.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Vanilla Almond with milk (this cereal is losing it's luster for me. It has kind of a funky aftertaste.)
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with apple butter
1 container of Cherry Yogurt

Snacks:
(all bought for Lilly but munched by me)
Froot Loops
Organic Animal Crackers (very strange tasting, not as sweet as normal ones)

Lunch:
Ham and Turkey on a sun-dried tomato wrap with American Cheese, mustard and lettuce
Sun Chips

Post-workout:
2 servings of Vanilla Protein Shake

Dinner:
1 and 2/3 servings of Rice Krispies with vanilla yogurt and strawberries
(not a whole lot of GOODNESS in there, but it tasted awesome and didn't kill me on calories)

Plenty of water. Good day, overall.

See you tomorrow.

Day 41.

OK, finally, an official blog.

And, as promised, stinky shoes.

When I go to the locker room after working out, I take my shoes off, my knee braces and then my socks. The socks and braces go into my dirty laundry bag and the shoes into my locker while I shower. The past few times, after showering and opening my locker, the smell has been... overwhelmingly awful. Painfully stinky. Like, whoa.

I bathe regularly (obviously), wear clean socks and change them after the gym and only wear those shoes to the gym. I even spray my shoes down with TOUGH ACTING TINACTIN! But it smells like the Mummy farted a 10,000-year-old extra spicy Bean Burrito fart in my locker. I wonder if everyone's locker smells this bad? And I REALLY wonder about the guys who wear street shoes to exercise and then don't shower. Oh, man.

Aren't you glad I shared?

Today was a great workout day. I hit the gym and did the Fat Burner on the Hell Machine, lifted some (vertical chest press and the pull down bar thing), did abs and lats as well as legs. Then came home, played with the kids, put them to bed and did the 40 Minute Fat Burner YRG workout.

I'm sore as hell, but in a really good kind of way.

Breakfast:
1 serving of Special K granola cereal with Vanilla Yogurt
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with Apple Butter

Post-Workout Snack:
1 serving of Vanilla Protein Shake

Lunch:
1 piece of leftover, homemade pizza

Dinner:
Lean Cuisine, possibly Santa Fe Chicken but I don't remember
Steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots
2/3 of an apple
4 fish sticks (I made these for Matt, but he took a bite of one when it was too hot and FUH-REAKED out and wouldn't touch the rest.)

Snack:
1 serving of Rice Krispies with Vanilla yogurt and strawberries

Lots of water. My Interpersonal Communications prof noticed me pulling two bottles out of a brown bag and commented on me staying well hydrated. Kind of awkward.

See you tomorrow.

Day 40.

One day I'll give you a real update again, I promise. Right now I'm just trying to get caught up on life.

I did manage to hit the gym today and do 40 on the Hell Machine and lifted as well.

Thanks for checking in. One day I will reward your patience. I promise. Here's a teaser: stinky shoes.

HOW EXCITING!

Day 39.

Things are hectic and frazzled and out of control right now. So quick one tonight.

Did yoga for 40 minutes. Felt good. Tired. Going to bed.

Days 37 and 38.

Sorry that last night is late and today is early. Things are all discombobulated.

Did the 40 minute DDP yoga vid yesterday and it was awesome. It didn't feel like 40 minutes but it pushed me and I was DRIPPING with sweat. But I felt awesome afterword. I had intentions of doing it again today, but I've got too much fricking homework to do. So today is my day of rest for the week. An official, no work out at all one.

Oddly, my Interpersonal Communications speech is about Yoga for Regular Guys! I suppose that it isn't actually all that odd because that's the exact reason that I ordered the book. So it isn't odd at all. Ignore the original odd statement. Ignore this entire paragraph, actually.

I forget what I ate yesterday and today isn't even half over so I have no idea what I'm going to eat. But this is a quickie, just a check-in to let you know that I'm not dead and that I miss you all.

See you tomorrow with a more official update.

Day 36.

OK. I had the best intentions of today being a good, healthy day. But the best laid intentions of mice and men often go awry.

For me, awry means ginger snaps. I like them. A lot. And the bag was a dollar. You can't fight that. Plus, they're freaking delicious.

And I don't have any clue how many I ate. I was hanging with Dan and Miles watching Bitch Slap, which is every bit as ridiculous and over the top and RIDICULOUS as it sounds. Not good, by any stretch, but fun bad. And we got snacks. Dan and Miles bought Friday's Pizza and Buffalo Sticks both of which were disgusting and I'm pretty sure are going to equal diarrhea for all three of us. That's kind of gross. Sorry. But the ginger snaps were awesome.

Totally not good for me, or my diabetes.

I did some time in the gym, doing the Fat Burner program on the Hell Machine. I expected the default time to be 60 or 30 minutes, because that is what the machine always defaults to. But it was 28 minutes. It was one of those varying intensity things and I burned a bunch of calories but... 28 minutes? I was supposed to do more, not less.

I also did triceps, biceps (I figured two days in a row was OK because I'm taking the weekend off from weights), lats, abs and then legs. All over in the legs, including the two machines where you squeeze in with the thighs or push out with the thighs--FRICKING OW, FYI. Those machines suck. They don't seem that intense, but they are.

It was a good workout. But those ginger snaps kind of ruined it.

Yoga this weekend. And homework. Dammit.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Vanilla Almond cereal with milk
2 pieces of white toast with apple butter

Lunch:
Frothy Chocolate protein shake
Giant bottle of water
2 Vegetarian Oat Cake things

Dinner:
Chicken Makhani
Curry Chicken
Dal Makhani
Rice
Naan

Snack:
Those damn ginger snaps.

Lots of water today. I peed so, so, sooooo much.

See you tomorrow.

Day 35.

Triceps? Still hurt. Seriously.

Also, my knee hurts tonight. I was carrying Lilly up the stairs in her car seat because we got home LATE (thanks crappy weather) and my left knee was popping and I was limping all the way up. Kind of a worry, maybe?

But otherwise it was a solid day. Not only did I accomplish quite a bit with school, mostly weasel my way out of my News Writing group project but I also got a good work out in.

I did my 40 on the Hell Machine with ease which means it's probably time to up to 45. Ugh. Then I did the Vertical Chest press, Fly Thing, Biceps, Triceps, Lats and Abs. When doing Lats and Abs I can really, really feel it but now, nothing. Which is strange to me. I think that I'm supposed to hurt later, right? Hurm...

The rock wall is neat looking. I frequently see people climbing it and there are some dudes that make it look frighteningly easy. Then again, there are dudes benching 300 pounds that make it look easy too. I'm not really brave enough to try either. Actually I'm not brave enough to fail at either. Just keeping it real, folks.

Speaking of dudes benching 300 pounds, I see a lot of them drinking powdered beverages of some sort. I'm assuming that this is either protein or creatine. Can anyone confirm or deny and explain exactly what the point is? Should I be doing these things as well? Vanessa says probably not but I would like to explore the idea before ruling it out altogether.

I did have a protein shake after my workout and it was... protein-y. It wasn't bad, but it definitely tasted different. YahooAnswers says that I should consume one right before and right after working out for best results. This is confusing. It was also almost $3. This seems like kind of a racket...

I swear that I had other interesting things to say, but apparently I overestimated my ability to be interesting.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Granola cereal with Vanilla Yogurt
2 pieces of white toast with butter and apple butter (Vanessa made it for me!)

Snack:
32 oz Strawberry Oasis Smoothie
Yogurt pretzels (spread these out through the whole day)

Lunch:
Turkey pastrami sandwich with provolone cheese and mustard
Small bag of Sun Chips
Strawberry Cream Protein Shake

Dinner:
1/2 of a Cuban Chicken Panini from Panera
Bowl of French Onion Soup

Panera was OUT OF EVERYTHING, by the way. They had a sign on the door that said, "We're out of coffee." They had three soups. They were out of all of the interesting breads. My sandwich was on wheat bread, not focaccia and I wanted focaccia dammit! But they looked like they were having a rough night, so I was nice.

Lots of water today.

See you tomorrow.

Day 34.

My triceps still fricking hurt.

I spent most of the day with the kids which is a workout in and of itself. I pulled Lilly off of the stairs no less than 12 times. Yelling at her just makes her smile a ridiculous toothless smile and it is impossible not to melt inside.

She sat and watched me make dinner and I'd throw pieces of clementine and banana and frozen vegetables on her tray. It was super fun.

I picked Matt up from school and he started throwing a tantrum about blueberries in his muffin. The teacher picked him up and he was wailing and I went and grabbed him and he chilled immediately. He kept snuggling up to me and I was kissing his cheek and he gave me a snotty kiss on the lips. And, again, I melted. It was awesome.

I love my kids a lot. I don't care if being a dad makes me lame, it is totally awesome.

I had to be home to meet the washer repairman (who left as I was walking the door, by the way) so I didn't hit the gym today. I did get lunch at Taco Bell though. Then I picked up Matt and missed the repairman.

But I did yoga after the kids went to bed. I really meant to do it earlier, like RIGHT after they went to bed. But Back to the Future II was on aaaaaand... it distracted me. I love those movies.

And that was my day. It was pretty awesome.

Breakfast:
6 egg whites and 2 yolks (I gave Lilly some, so you can probably drop it to 5 and 1) with hot sauce
2 pieces of Oat toast something or other with butter

Lunch:
2 Fresco Chicken Burrito Supremes
1/2 an order of Cinnamon Twists

Dinner:
Red beans and rice with kielbasa
Salad with carrots, onions, cucumbers and House Italian dressing

Lotta water today. I was impressed with my water intake.

See you tomorrow.

Day 33.

It is hard to stay on a healthy eating track when there are so many delicious foods out there that aren't good for you. And when it is given to you for free. I can kill some free pizza. Like seriously. If pizza was people, I would be in jail. For one million consecutive life sentences.

My News Writing class visited a restaurant in Youngstown called Joe's Restaurant to learn about the history of Brier Hill. It was interesting and there was free pizza. Probably the best News Writing class that I've had all semester. Because I hate that class. A lot.

But I killed some pizza.

Then I hit the Hell Machine for 40 minutes and did some weights. Rowing, Flying, a weird back press thingy to work out my lower back and then the ab isolator. I finished on a tricep extension machine that was TOUGH. The tricep is not something I use on a regular basis, apparently. Gonna keep working it, though.

I think that this blog needs to have some kind of a shelf life. My goal is 365 days. One year of working days. That is the end date for this blog and the measure of my success. If 365 days from now I still weigh 270 pounds then I will have failed (unless I am ripped like WHOA). But if I weigh in at less than 225 then I will consider it a success, obviously.

At the very least I will be more aware of my body, the way I treat it and the things that I put into it. Which is another victory. So. We'll see how this thing goes.

I've got a small health care thing I want to talk about, but I'm going to save it for tomorrow, I think.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Granola with blueberry yogurt
2 pieces of white toast with apple butter

First Lunch:
5 pieces of pizza (it was the square cut, not the pie cut, so they were small pieces)

Snack:
Fiber One bar

Second Lunch:
1/2 a carrot
1/2 a pear
Turkey pastrami sandwich with provolone cheese and mustard

Dinner:
An apple
One serving of Special K granola with Vanilla Yogurt

We also discovered that we didn't buy Light yogurt. The difference in the sugars alone is enough to make me cringe.

See you tomorrow!

Day 32.

"Locker Room Scripture: a short play."
By Jay Beane

Characters--
Guy 1, seated
Guy 2, looks like Lil Wayne
Observer, chubby, tattooed

We join the conversation

Guy 1: No, man, you don't know my thoughts.
Guy 2: OK, but what about upstairs? What'd you say?"
Guy 1: When?
Guy 2: 'Look at her waist.'
Guy 1: But you don't know what I was thinking (points to his head).
Guy 2: Sinning is sinning.
Guy 1: You don't know what I was thinking though.
Guy 2: Is that any different than 'Look at her booty?'
(At this point Guy 2 looks at Observer with his eyebrows raised. Observer shakes his head.)
Observer: That's no different at all.
(Guy 2 looks back at Guy 1.)
Guy 2: See?
Guy 1: You don't know what I was thinking. I could tell you anything, but I know what I was thinking. And I wasn't thinking that.
Guy 2: Sinning is sinning.
Guy 1: It's not about what you think I was thinking, but what I was thinking. And it's about what scripture says and I know what scripture says.
Guy 2: What about cursing?
Guy 1: I don't curse.
Guy 2: You said 'nigga' on Facebook yesterday.
Guy 1: 'Nigga' isn't a curse.
Guy 2: Yes it is.
Guy 1: Show me in scripture where cursing is a sin.
Guy 2: 'Nigga' is a curse.
Guy 1: Show me in scripture.
(At this point they begin to exit the locker room, their conversation fading as they exit.)

END.

A pretty accurate description of the conversation that I overheard today. By far the funniest thing I've heard yet.

Did 40 on the Hell Machine which was difficult but rewarding. I don't even know what that means. But I felt pretty solid after I did it. Then I went on to lift some weights and it didn't suck today. I could do it. It definitely helps when the machine is set up correctly AND you've had a day off to rest those muscles. I did bicep curls, rowing, and the incline chest press. Sets of 15, 12, 10 with the weight going up each time, two times each machine.

I also did this thing called the Abdominal Isolator. Basically it is like doing crunches in a seated position with weights. I just played with it today, but I'm going to go back to it again and get a better feel for it. Right now my abs don't hurt, so I don't think that I did a lot with it. Then again, it's still early.

Should've done yoga tonight. I need to get a regular rotation with that. Tuesday and Thursday are late nights, so they're almost always out. Maybe a MWFSu schedule for that. We shall see.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Vanilla Almond with Vanilla yogurt
2 pieces of white toast with Apple Butter
1 banana

Snack:
MEGA COLOSSAL PROTEIN BAR THING
(intended for this to be my mid-day meal but it didn't work like that. Mostly because I'm always FAMISHED after a workout and I ate this pre-workout. It was pretty good though.)

Lunch:
12" Turkey sub on wheat with provolone, lettuce, tomato, pickles and mustard. Toasted.
32 oz. Strawberry Oasis plus protein powder smoothie (I love these.)

Dinner:
Cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard and pickle
Broccoli, cheese and rice
Salad with all kinds of crap in it and House Italian dressing.

Lots of water today. Probably could have done more.

See you tomorrow!

Day 31.

NO ONE REMINDED ME TO DO YOGA.

But I did it anyway.

And it was like starting all over again from scratch. Except that I knew exactly what I was getting into this time. So while I was breathing heavily and sweating profusely I couldn't blame ignorance. I had to suck it up and take it like a man. A man that wanted to cry like a little girl.

But I did it. Yay for me. Back to the gym tomorrow.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Special K Vanilla Almond cereal with Vanilla yogurt
2 pieces of toast with Apple Butter

Lunch:
Leftover homemade fried rice
1/2 a clementine
1 container of Strawberry yogurt

Dinner:
Spaghetti bake
Leftover Luigis pizza
Salad with cucumber, three types of lettuce, carrots and House Italian dressing

Ice cream for dessert.

I feel like I haven't had enough water this weekend. I need to get with that. Dammit.

See you tomorrow.

Day 30.

Day of rest, kind of.

Vanessa and I slept in until 1030, which is the first time in a looooong time. I shipped a package, we hit the DMV to attempt to get our new driver's license (current address and her new name) and the tags renewed on the Pontiac. Did I mention that I got pulled over yesterday because the tags were expired? I did. I was pissed. No ticket, but still kind of an inconvenience.

Things went quickly downhill because we didn't have an E-check done and we also didn't have any mail with our current address. So I waited in line for almost half an hour for nothing. It was pretty annoying.

Then we came home, Vanessa napped and I ran some errands, which included lunch with Smooth Danny K at A&W. Sometimes I feel like this is more of a food blog than a workout blog because I always talk about what I'm eating and I always throw in "It was delicious!" Because A&W was totally delicious. I know, I know--it's a hot dog with coney sauce, cheese and onions. But it was freaking fantastic.

After lunch I came home and worked on the office, organizing DVDs and books as well as setting up GI Joes. I got a lot done but there is still a lot to do. I might not have worked out today, but I did walk up the stairs with books in my arms a bunch of times.

I want to do some yoga tomorrow. Or today, if you're reading this on Sunday. Someone remind me.

Had Luigi's for dinner. And you know what. Delicious.

Breakfast:
None.

Lunch:
2 A&W Foot Long Coneys with onions and cheese
Small fry
Diet Root Beer

Dinner
2 pieces of pizza with pepperoni and mushroom
part of a salad
an apple an 1/3

Not as much water as I should have.

See you tomorrow.

Day 29.

TODAY SUCKED. The gym was hard as hell. Apparently that whole taking a day off when lifting thing isn't something they say without reason. Because today I couldn't lift ANYTHING. I went to do bicep curls at the same weight as yesterday and did 5 before I thought my arms were going to give. So I bumped it down. And I did 1 curl. Veeeeeeery slowly.

I think that it's possible that I didn't adjust the pad on the machine. That would explain a little bit of the difficulty because I don't think my arms would be that tired. I'm sore but I'm not SORE. I can lift my arm or a baby or something without any strain.

Even my 30 minutes on the Hell Machine was tougher than normal but that was because I bumped the resistance up a notch. I figured out that I could manually adjust the time on the thing to bump the time up so I can start building my time back up without jumping from 30 to 60 minutes.

The kids are staying the night at Grammy Vickie's house so Vanessa and I went to dinner and grocery shopping. Which sounds kind of unexciting but we had a good time. We had plans to go to an art show in downtown but ended up spending a lot of time at the grocery store.

We saw people lining up for New Moon and I started hating on them pretty hardcore. Then I remembered when I worked at Barnes & Noble for the last Harry Potter release party. It was one of the best nights I had at work. It was fun. So I felt bad for hating. But whatever. Twilight is lame.

Food Network is on in the background and they're talking about deep fried candy bars. It looks amazing.

Dammit.

Anyway.

Breakfast:
1 1/2 cups of some Special K Granola cereal with milk
2 pieces of Oat toast with Apple Butter

Lunch:
2 Vegetarian Apple Oat bar things.

Dinner:
SUSHI.
1 piece of Nagiri with either Tuna or Salmon. I forget.
5 or 6 pieces of Super Monkey Roll
3 pieces of Volcano Roll
1 egg roll
1/2 bowl of Wanton Soup

Lots of water. The end.

See you tomorrow.

Day... um, 28?

We're just going to continue the days from where I left off, even though that is grossly inaccurate.

My hiatus lasted a bit longer than planned, obviously, and it was not a good hiatus, really. Mostly because I didn't workout and I ate pretty terribly. Like Swenson's three times. At least. And pizza a bunch. I regret the calories but not the deliciousness, because there was a metric crap-ton of deliciousness.

I did lift a bunch of heavy stuff many times over my hiatus though. Moving will do that. My desk? A total bitch. Lilly's dresser? Even worse. But with the help of some friends, it all got done. The new house is pretty awesome. A lot of stairs which should help my cause quite a bit.

I didn't head back to the gym on Monday but I started back on Tuesday. It was hard making myself go back. I really didn't want to and I can't sustain it for the same amount of time I did before my break. I did 35 minutes on the Hell Machine all three days and I've been doing a lot of weight lifting.

I know that you're supposed to switch days for the weights and stuff, but I have not done that. I don't do ALL of the same machines every day but I definitely do the Rowing and Fly(?) machines every time. I've done some bench press, a couple leg machines, bicep curls... whatever sounds fun. Yeah, I totally called weightlifting fun. Who have I become? I also added the bike for 20 minutes today. I really need to get myself back up to an hour and I figured that pushing myself on some other things would be a good idea.

I could be wrong though.

I also need to stop eating at UPie. The food is SO FREAKING AMAZING though. The chef, Tank, convinced me to order some bread pudding today. I don't even like bread pudding. But I did it. And, yeah, it was fantastic. The man is amazing. When I become rich, I'm going to hire him as my personal chef and just get yearly liposuction treatments instead of all this working out crap.

The day isn't over yet, so I'm not going to post my meals. I'll start that again tomorrow night.

So, see you then!

Quick update.

No internet at the new house yet so just a quick update.

Back on the wagon after taking all of last week off. It was hard getting back into it but I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and lifted some weights. Felt good and bad. Bad mostly because I REALLY didn't want to.

But I did it.

Long update tomorrow.

See you then.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Brief hiatus.

I'm on spring break this week and we're moving. So I'm not going to be updating for a few days. I should be back next Monday.

Rest assured that while I'm away I will be doing my best to maintain my healthy lifestyle by eating right and continuing to workout.

Don't miss me too much.

Day 27.

I wish I could say that today was interesting. It was not. It was another lie around the house day.

Lilly is feeling a lot better, which is awesome. It's weird how she changes everyday and develops more of a personality. Both of the kids are ridiculously funny. I hope they stay that way. I hope they always like me as much as they do now.

Did yoga once today, 20 minute workout. Helping Kris move tomorrow, so I should get a decent workout doing that but I'll probably still do yoga at some point.

I swear that I said I was going to make today interesting. I guess that I failed miserably. If it counts for anything, I had a wonderful time laying on the couch while the kids ran around. In fact, forget it, today was awesome.

Vanessa and I did do a walk-through on the new place and found all kinds of little things that we'd like the landlord to fix. Said landlord also left us a gift basket and a bottle of wine, which was super nice.

I also feel like my gum is inflamed or something. I seriously hope it isn't a cavity. Either way, my mouth is kind of hurting and it only happened within the last hour or so...

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cream of Wheat with Wheat Germ and blueberries
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with butter

Lunch:
Was spread out over two hours
Leftover Chicken Tikki Masala
2 dill pickle spears
1 cup of Dannon Cherry Vanilla Yogurt
A bunch of peanuts

Dinner:
Was really late tonight
Burrito bowl from Chipotle, lettuce, beans, chicken, tomato and corn salsa with light cheese

CHIPOTLE WAS OUT OF TWO TYPE OF SALSA. How does this happen? Seriously, WTF? You have, like, ten things on your menu. How do you run out of ANY of them? Weird. Burrito bowl was still awesome. I'm just saying.

See you tomorrow. No promises on tomorrow being any more interesting than today...

Day 26.

Didn't go to class today as a result of the late night last night.

Staying home generally leads to an incredibly quiet and unproductive day. Which is OK. I like that every now and again. And it was a vaguely productive unproductive day. I ran a few errands (picked up Lilly's prescription and got mine refilled) and did yoga twice.

That's right. Twice. No other gym time but that's OK because I. Did. Yoga. Twice. Just saying. Me and DDP. We're bros.

Speaking of which, my book showed up in the mail today. The book is a good accent to the DVD but without the DVD, I don't know that the book would do a lot for me. Mostly because I can't see the stuff in motion so I would have a hard time connecting the dots. But there's a ton of great information in the book that isn't on the DVD like how to breathe properly and other random stuff. I've honestly only flipped through it at this point, but I really like what I've seen.

The most interesting thing was this bread that he mentioned. It's completely flour-less. And, he claims, delicious. So I'm going to give it a try.

He also buys 40 pounds of carrots and juices them with about 1000 pounds of other stuff. Every other week. Sorry, dude, I don't have that kind of scratch. But I'm totally into the idea of some juicing.

But I'm not going to lie to you. I ate a Reese's Egg.

AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.

Breakfast:
Oatmeal with Splenda and Wheat Germ and Flax
2 pieces of Protein Plus toast with butter
1\2 an apple

Lunch:
1 1/2 Leftover Tilapia filet
Brown rice with black beans

Dinner:
Homemade Chicken Tikki Masala
Homemade Naan
Brown rice with black beans

Snacks:
1/2 of a South Beach Cinnamon Raisin bar
1 cup of Dannon Pineapple Coconut Yogurt

Water, water, water... and some more water.

See you tomorrow. Chances are, another uninteresting day. Sorry in advance.

Day 25.

Tom: I know!

Sheena: yes, I know that it is an elliptical, but it is far worse than other ellipticals. Which is why it is called the Hell Machine.

DDP: Holy crap. Totally had a nerd moment when I got your message. (If you're confused, dear reader, check the comments for day 24. DDP commented. Which is AWESOME.)

Everyone else: Thank you for reading, even if you don't comment. I've had a couple of random conversations with people who read and I can't tell you how awesome it is to hear the feedback from people. I love comments and feedback and hearing from everyone. Which is exactly why I started the blog. So, seriously, THANK YOU. Keep reading and I promise that I'll try to keep it interesting.

Anyway, on to the real blog stuff.

Today was not super productive, workout-wise.

After putting the deposit down on our new apartment last night, Vanessa and I celebrated by having lunch at UPie today. Which cut into gym time which was cut even shorter by the fact that I had an exam that I needed to study for.

When I got to the gym, both Hell Machines were taken. So I figured I would kill some time on a bike. A lady sat down next to me looking for the Power button. There isn't one; you start pedaling and it turns on. So I told her. Then, after a few minutes, she asked me about the seat shaking (It is one of these models). And we chatted for a bit; she kind of reminded me of my mom. But she works in the library and said that she can help me with late fees if I ever need it. So, I've got an in.

But my time quickly turned into 25 minutes and I had seen the Hell Machines empty and then fill again. I was bummed, but hopped on to a regular elliptical.

I didn't like it.

I like the Hell Machine because it isn't on a track and allows for a natural movement. The other ones are on a track and the movement is stifled. I just wasn't a fan.

I planned on coming home and doing some more Yoga, so I did 35 on the elliptical and called it quits to study. But Vanessa was out of class so we went to pick Lilly up from her grandpa's house.

She was not feeling well and ended up puking all over me. On top of that, she felt like she was on fire, so we decided to take her to the ER and have her checked out. She ended up with Bronchiolitis, an ear infection AND a cold. They treated the Bronchiolitis with a breathing machine which she HATED. I had to hold her down and try to keep the breathing thing in the right position while she stared at me, crying.

Her eyes just said, "WHY DAD? WHY?" It kind of broke my heart.

But then they gave her some stuff for the ear infection and one of the two things hyped her up and she was going nucking futs. She wanted up then down, wanted to crawl, wanted to fly, wanted down then up, crawl, walk, over my shoulder. On repeat. It was really hilarious and made me feel a lot better.

Which was good because being in the hospital with a sick baby is awful, even if it's minor. The computer monitor kept showing a picture of the waiting room where we sat while Adam was in the hospital and it triggered some stuff. I'm just glad that she is OK and it's over.

So I didn't end up doing Yoga and I'm not going to school tomorrow because it is very late.

Since I won't be on campus I might try doing the yoga twice, once in the morning and once in the evening.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cheerios with Dannon Pineapple Coconut yogurt and blueberries
1 piece of Protein Plus toast with butter

Lunch:
Half of a Greek salad with lamb (like, real, grilled lamb, not pressed gyro meat), lettuce, feta cheese, tomatoes and cucumber sauce--this was the best salad that I have ever had. If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to hire Tank to be my personal chef.
3 pieces of pizza with pepperoni and mushroom (It was a celebration lunch! And it was a small pizza, so there's a conversion thing that you have to do...)
2 glasses of Diet Coke (I was going to order a water, but the waitress brought the stuff before I could and refilled it before I could say otherwise... and I don't want to make our server mad. Plus, she's nice.)

Dinner:
Was late, so we got drive-thru from Taco Bell.
2 Fresco Burrito Supremes with Chicken and Mild sauce (I asked for Hot!) which were actually really tasty.

Not a great eating day, really. That lunch might have been kind of a killer. But it tasted sooooo good.

See you tomorrow!

Day 24.

YOGA. IS. HARD.

My best friend Dan pointed me in the direction of a "humorous" Yoga DVD called Yoga for Regular Guys. It is "humorous" because it is taught by former WCW/WWE/TNA wrestler Diamond Dallas page, he of the Self High Five and Diamond Cutter fame. The DVD and accompanying book are completely in character. There isn't a lot of talking on the DVD because, once again: YOGA. IS. HARD.

I thought, "Oh, this is for regular guys and it's by a wrestler, how bad could it be?"

After the 20-minute workout, my entire body is sore. I feel like I got hit by a train. Or like I was on the receiving end of a Diamond Cutter--FROM THE TOP ROPE!

It was actually kind of fun and not a bad way to spend 20 minutes (although it actually runs closer to 30 for some reason, excess talking, maybe?). And I can feel it. I'm excited to do it again.

WHO AM I?

Also did 65 on the Hell Machine and some weight training.

Tom, the Hell Machine looks like this:



I'm sure that you're thinking to yourself, "That doesn't look so bad." Well you are wrong. It feels like this:



Also, in regards to locker room talk: even weirder than "gay" talk? No talk at all. When you have six guys changing in one section of the locker room and NONE OF THEM ARE TALKING, you suddenly start to wish someone would say, "Nice pecs, bro."

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cheerios with milk, a little Splenda and some frozen blueberries
1 piece of Protein Plus toast with butter

Lunch:
Vegan Oatmeal bar thing, Cranberry flavor

Dinner:
1 1/2 Tilapia filets
Brown rice and black beans
Mixed veggies

A LOT of water today. When I got to school, I thought I was going to explode. I ran people over and pushed old women out of the way to get to the bathroom.

Just saying.

And as a final goodbye for the evening, enjoy this video clip. See you tomorrow.

Day 23.

I'm running out of interesting things to say. After 23 straight days of blogging on one subject that was bound to happen. of course, some people might say that I never had anything interesting to say in the first place.

They would be jerks.

Anyway, did a 5 minute warm up on the treadmill because both Hell Machines were taken. When I hopped off after five minutes, I imagined someone saying, "Ha, fatty could only take 5 minutes." Then I went and did 65 minutes on the hell machine. 65 really hard minutes. Today was rough and I don't know why. Tired? I don't know, but it was a hard road to row. But I did it. Then I spent 20 minutes on the bike. For "fun." It was not actually fun. That is why I used quotation marks.

Locker room talk is the weirdest thing in the world. Because it is so incredibly, over the top gay and it is done by guys who would probably FLIP OUT if you said that to them. I know that this sounds vaguely homophobic but it really isn't intended to be. Here are some examples of conversations that I have overheard:

"Oh, dude, you look really skinny."
"Thanks. I've been working my abs really hard."

"Dude, you look huge."

OK, that might be the extent of my examples at the moment, but you get the point. They might as well drop to their knees afterword.

Too far?

I'll be more PG tomorrow. Maybe.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cheerios with Splenda on top and milk
1 piece of Protein Plus toast with butter and Raspberry jelly

Lunch:
1 turkey and ham sandwich on Protein Plus bread with mustard and provolone
2 Clausen Pickle Spears
1 carrot, cut into slices
1 Dannon Blueberry Yogurt
1/2 an apple
32 oz. Freshens Strawberry Oasis smoothie

Dinner:
1 1/2 pieces of Sweet Italian Sausage
Zataran's Red beans and rice
6 baby carrots
1/2 cucumber, cut into slices

Lots of water.

Took a nap on campus instead of reading for Mythology. Oops. That quiz is going to be rough.

Wish me luck. See you tomorrow.

Day 22.

Official weigh-in is 271. Actually, it is exactly 270.7, but I rounded it up.

Today was a pretty great day, all around. It is Vanessa's birthday and she's 25 now. When we met she was only 19. That seems crazy and like it should be forever ago, but it doesn't feel like a long time. We had dinner with Dan, Sheena and Jeremy and it was awesome, even if our waiter wasn't so good.

I did 65 minutes on the Hell Machine today and I pushed myself a little bit harder and realized that I was actually kind of jogging. JOGGING. That is just a step below running. And I did it for a full 65 minutes. 5.5 miles. I burned 785 calories. That is intense. I'm kind of proud of myself. I also did some weights: mostly upper body, but some leg stuff as well.

Vanessa and I wandered around Home Goods and Target after dinner. It was a nice way to spend some time together and decompress. It was late, so Target was pretty empty and quiet. I really enjoy spending time with her, so I guess this whole marriage thing might work out.

Breakfast:
2 servings of plain old Cheerios with milk and a little Vanilla creamer
1 piece of Protein Plus toast (IT RETURNS) with butter and a little bit too much Raspberry jelly
1 banana

Lunch:
6 inch Turkey sub with mustard, provolone, lettuce, tomato and pickle
Large Strawberry Oasis smoothie with Protein Powder

Dinner:
SUSHI!
3 or 4 pieces of Spicy Crab Roll
3 or 4 pieces of Philly Roll
Most of the Special Maki 2 which had avocado, shrimp, tempura shrimp and crab
Small portion of General Tso's with White Rice

Dinner was so effing good. I could eat sushi every day.

See you tomorrow.

Day 21.

Feeling sick. Spent most of the day either sitting in front of the computer trying to work on my Brit Lit exam or on the couch with the kiddos.

No work out today.

Felt nauseous, so I didn't eat much dinner.

Sorry, not much to say today. Hopefully better tomorrow.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Honey Nut Cheerios
1 piece of Sourdough toast with butter and jelly
1 banana

Lunch:
Two burger patties with A1--no bun

Snack:
1 piece of leftover cake
A handful of Almonds

Dinner:
2 helpings of homemade applesauce

Probably not enough water today, but I really feel incredibly ill. Ugh. I hate this. See you tomorrow.

Day 20.

Today was Matt's birthday party. And it was pretty successful, I think. Sure, he woke up from his nap in a crappy mood and screamed his head off for about 45 minutes but he eventually came around.

The coolest thing was the Yo Gabba Gabba cake. It was seriously awesome. The layer of frosting on it was intense. Matt certainly enjoyed it. And the olives. That was his entire dinner. He's 2. And, given his mood, I'm stoked that he ate anything.

Both he and Lilly are sick. There might have to be a doctor's visit this week. I hate when the kiddos are sick. It makes me feel bad.

But, in between getting ready for the party, Vanessa and I hit the Rec and I did 30 minutes on the Eliptibike and then a bunch of weight stuff on machines but also with free weights. I feel like we worked every muscle possible, but Vanessa would probably argue that. I definitely feel more comfortable with the weight machines at the Rec. The stuff at Youngstown isn't familiar looking and there are way more people around, which I don't like.

We'll see though. Apparently if I don't do some weight training as well I'll end up being one of those skinny people that looks like they should be a fat person. And I'd like to look like a healthy person. So. Weight training too, now. Yaaay.

That was sarcasm.

I didn't eat super well today, but it was a party day. I prepped for the cake by taking an extra ActoplusMet pill for my Diabetes. Doctor said that this was OK to do. We talked about upping the dose to three a day anyway, but we decided to hold off for whatever reason. We actually means He. I just go along with what he says.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Kix with milk
2 pieces of Whole Wheat toast with butter and jelly
1/2 a banana

Lunch:
1/2 of a turkey, ham and cheese sandwich on Sour Dough with cheese and mustard

Dinner:
1 burger with onions, pickles, cheese and hot sauce
1 hot dog with mustard, onions and baked beans
Mac N Cheese
a bunch of random veggies
random chips
1 glass of Fresca

1 piece of cake with some No Sugar Added Butter Pecan Ice Cream

Also, a cup of Weight Watchers Cherry Cheesecake yogurt.

Does anyone want to pay for me to get a membership at the Rec? Please?

Day 19.

I totally caved today.

I was making Mac N Cheese for Matt's birthday dinner tomorrow (also having hot dogs, hamburgers and baked beans--he's 2) and I was grabbing something out of the fridge when I see a red container. Inside that red container is leftover Coconut Icing. And I helped myself to some. Three deliciously evil spoonfuls.

It was so bad that it was gooooooooooooooooooooood. Like, WOW, good.

And we're having cake tomorrow because we're having a party. I know, I know--it's OK to have treats. I'm doing well otherwise, right? Right. No freaking out.

It was seriously awesome, though. Back in the day, I totally used to eat half a jar of frosting without thinking twice. I was a fat kid's fat kid. I could teach you things about being fat and how to maintain that fatness. (No Reese's Cups? Just put peanut butter in a bowl with some chocolate chips. Just as good. Maybe better because there isn't all of that work to get the wrapper off.)

That is the past though, right? Right.

65 minutes on the hell machine was all I managed today. We had a lot to do for the party so I needed to get home kind of quickly. I also forgot a pair of socks to change into, which really grossed me out. But I survived.

Breakfast:
3 egg whites + 1 yolk with hot sauce
2 pieces of turkey bacon
1 piece of Oatmeal Bread toast with butter
1/2 a banana

Lunch:
Some Vegan Oat health bar thing that was surprisingly good--like a REALLY heavy, thick oatmeal cake.
A handful of Habanero BBQ Almonds

Dinner:
Chipotle Burrito bowl, beans, chicken, tomato, green and corn salsa with lettuce and cheese. No rice.
A couple spoonfuls of Mac N Cheese (to make sure it tasted OK)

Had some more almonds while watching Lost. And a metric crapton of water.

Probably going to try and go to the Tallmadge Rec early-ish tomorrow morning so I can get a good workout before the party.

See you tomorrow.

Day 18.

I am often petrified that I will post the wrong date in my post title. Is that weird?

Do you ever do something that you absolutely know you are going to regret later? Today, I did exactly that. I did 65 minutes on the Hell Machine. Yes. For real. 65 minutes. Hell Machine. I totally kicked the crap out of that thing.

Or vice versa. We shall see.

Also signed up to speak to a nutritionist. I figured that was probably a good idea.

Short post tonight. Very tired. See you tomorrow.

Breakfast:
2 servings of Cheerios Crunch with Milk
1 piece of Oatmeal Bread toast with butter and jelly
Possibly a banana

Lunch:
Tuna with 1/2 tbs of mayo and Old bay seasoning
2 servings of Triscuits
1 carrot, sliced into sticks
1 apple
a bunch of Almonds (probably too many)

Dinner:
Leftover rice and beans with leftover chicken and spiced with DOYLE WOLFGANG VON FRANKENSTEIN'S HOT SAUCE FROM HELL (Which was really good. It was definitely hot but had awesome flavor. Reminded me of Louisiana Licker's sauce from Quaker Steak and Lube, but waaaaaaay hotter. I liked it.)
Some weird yogurt with a bunch of protein (like 12g!)

A bunch of water. The end.

Day 17.

Bree, I hope you don't mind that I'm calling you out, but I totally thought I clicked the "Readers are not allowed to be critical of me because I am fragile" button. It appears that I was wrong.

No, seriously, I appreciate the critical comments. Mostly because I have no idea what I'm doing. Which is why I started this blog. For advice and critiques as well as "Good job!" Advice and critiques are more valuable than praise.

And you're absolutely right about the Carbs. The problem is that CARBS ARE IN EVERYTHING. Fruit has carbs. A lot of carbs. Like a WTF amount. I know that there are good carbs and bad carbs but I don't know the difference. Also, carbs equals comfort. Has a sandwich ever assaulted you? No. More than likely a sandwich has made you feel better in some small way because that is what a sandwich does. Had a craptastic day? Peanut butter, banana and honey on white bread with a tall glass of milk and suddenly everything seems A-OK.

But yesterday's three and a half pieces of toast was ridiculous and I knew that at the time. So, yes, carbs are on the radar, trust me. If you have advice on getting more protein into my diet, please advise.

To which I add: today, I ate tuna. I fucking hate tuna. I'm trying to keep the swearing to a minimum here for maximum readability and appeal but I really cannot emphasize this enough: I. FUCKING. HATE. TUNA. The smell of it makes me vaguely nauseous and tuna noodle casserole is the worst combination of two atrocities ever (tuna and cream of mushroom soup, somethings else that IFH™).

But today, I sucked it up and ate a can of tuna. I needed some protein in my diet. I drained as much of that nasty "water" as humanly possible, sprinkled some Lemon Pepper seasoning on it and threw in a tiny bit of mayo. Ate it on top of some Triscuits. And?

Not the worst thing ever. I don't love it, but it has potential. This is cheap tuna so maybe if I upgrade and get the $1.10 can instead of the $.38 can the flavor will be better. Only time will tell.

The Hell Machine returned today. And I killed 15 minutes on that sumbitch (I know, I just said that I was trying to keep my swearing to a minimum, but I love that word). 15 incredibly difficult minutes that were well worth it. I also tried a machine that looked like a really old Eliptibike but was not. It seemed to have the exact same function, but burned was not worth the effort it took to work. At least in a calorie-burning context. I don't know. We'll see how sore I am tomorrow before I banish it. 15 on that machine (it was a Cross Trainer, officially) and 50 on the treadmill. If I can work my way up on the Hell Machine, I will cut back on the treadmill. Because that makes sense.

Breakfast:
3 egg whites + 1 yolk scrambled with hot sauce, cooked in Pam
2 pieces of Turkey Bacon
1 piece of Oatmeal bread
(This was a tasty breakfast. I'm having a new love affair with hot sauce. My Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein Hell Sauce might not just be a shelf oddity anymore...)

Lunch:
1 can of Tuna with Lemon pepper seasoning and 1/2 tbs. of mayo
A number of Triscuits (I should have counted, but did not)
1 whole carrot, sliced into sticks

Dinner:
Half (?) of a chicken breast, marinated in something (not sure what, it was set up last night when I wasn't home)
Salad with 8 kinds of lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, Mung Bean sprouts, a little cheese and Italian dressing
Brown rice with Black beans

LOTS of water today. I peed so freaking much.

See you tomorrow.

Day 16.

Dear Anonymous,
If you're still out there, here is a story about the scale. Yesterday I weighed in at 278, one pound up from last week. Today I weighed in at 274, four pounds down. I did not starve myself, nor did I work out extra hard. It was the exact same scale. I do not understand it, nor do I care. Like I said, the scale is not the best indicator of your success. The way that you feel, the way you look and the way that your clothes fit are much better.
That said, I feel like crap. I know that I've been complaining about this cold for three days and believe me, I would love to stop complaining. But it would have to go away first.
I tried a different elliptical at the gym today. It was awful. Because I felt like I was running. It was much more difficult than the regular elliptical which is why from here on out, I will call it the Hell Machine. I last five minutes. With a break in the middle.
All told, I did 50 on the treadmill, 5 on the Hell Machine, 25 on the bike and 15 on the elliptical. I'm really beginning to consider kicking the bike from the routine. I did the same amount of calories in half the time on the elliptical. Then again, I like the bike because I can sit down. But it also makes my ass hurt because those seats are not padded at all.
Dilemma.

Breakfast:
2 servings Cheerios Crunch
2 pieces of 100% Whole Wheat toast with butter and Strawberry Jam
1 banana

Lunch:
1 moderately tasty Buffalo Chicken Wrap with lettuce, tomato, cheese (too much), hot sauce and ranch dressing (this was a pretty average wrap--I should have made the trek to UPie)
2 Clausen pickle spears
1/2 a Pear
A handful of carrots
1 banana
1 cup of Weight Watchers Cherry Cheesecake Yogurt

Dinner
2 servings of Kix cereal with milk
1 1/2 pieces of Cinnamon toast with butter
(I was too indecisive about what to have for dinner and this ultimately won out because it was the easiest. Even then it was kind of a pain in the ass... I was not feeling today.)

See you tomorrow.